The Monday After

Well, here we are at the beginning of December and I am just now able to move after consuming more than my share of turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, sweet potatoes, rolls, coconut pie, pumpkin pie, cherry cheese cake, and assorted side dishes. Gluttony ruled the day last Thursday along with excellent company and conversation, chasing grand kids around, and, for some, ping pong. Thanksgiving has to be my favorite holiday, with all the best parts of holidays such as great food, spending time with family, watching football, and none of the pressure of gifts and worrying if you got that special gift for your loved ones that they will cherish for a long time. Usually, I miss on that regard and end up getting just the wrong thing at just the wrong time, making everyone uncomfortable and wondering what I was thinking.

Like the time I bought Mikki that new Weed Whacker so that she could do a better job of trimming when she mowed the lawn. I think I could have gotten away with that if I hadn’t included a hand written note explaining how to use the machine and just how I liked to see the lawn trimmed. Until that time, I didn’t know a Weed Whacker could actually tear the pants off of a grown man and how loud that thing is in the house! I think I still have some of the scars.

The next year I bought her a book titled "Be The Wife He Deserves" by Cherish De Bumme. The only thing I can say about that is I’m certainly lucky it wasn’t a very large book since even that edition left a sizable dent in my head. There is no pleasing that woman! So, what am I to get her this year? I’m staying away from yard tools and books since they obviously aren’t her favorites. Maybe something in the realm of lingerie would be nice. That’s always a safe bet. Or, I could get her a gift certificate from Sportsman’s Warehouse or The Spinning Reel. I’ll bet she’d like something like that. She claims she doesn’t like camping or fishing, or even hunting, but I know she is just saying that to throw me off the trail of what she really wants. She is sneaky that way.

I remember one year, when I was still smarting from the Weed Whacker and book debacle, I decided to go with clothes. I found a great buy on nice ensemble consisting of an hunter orange vest with matching gloves, hat, and scarf. I figured it would help entice her to reconsider her adamant refusal to go hunting. It didn’t. I even threw in a special edition of the calendar with the bikini clad women fishing - kinda going with the outdoors theme - but, it wasn’t much of a hit either, even though they had Miss July fly fishing right here on the South Fork of the Snake River. What is a guy to do?? As hard as I try, you’d think I wouldn’t be in the dog house so often. I JUST DON’T GET IT!!!

One year, she said she thought she’d like a deck, so I got her a really nice hammer and Skill saw and a book on how to build decks. The next year, she mentioned she was thinking of a patio, so I bought a neat little electric cement mixer and a small trowel. None of those gifts were appreciated. So, I’m really at a loss for this year. Maybe a new lawn mower would hit the spot. But, considering how the Weed Whacker went over, perhaps I should rethink that. Well, I’m really in a quandary, and I only have a few more weeks to make a decision. If anyone is reading this, perhaps you can suggest something. I’ll wait here.

So now, you can see why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday