Mad Dog Mauling

We all are familiar with the phrase, "Meaner than a junkyard dog", meaning a guard dog that is beyond vicious, that would just as well rip your arm off as look at you. Well, I’ve recently had an encounter with a vicious, rabid, guard dog that has left me shaken, angry and somewhat nauseous. I’ll try to recount the adventure as best I can and try not to swear.

It all began innocently, as most of these things do. I wanted to protect Katie and Jake from the evils that lurk on the Internet waiting to pounce on unsuspecting youngsters and senile oldsters. At the recommendation of a trusted friend and IT professional, I downloaded a piece of free software entitled K9 Web Protection, offered by BlueCoat. At first, our relationship was benign and friendly, with the dog - they have a dog as a mascot that you can have bark if someone tries to access a web page that is inappropriate - doing his job and keeping us all safe from the nasties that lurk on the web. But, then it happened.....

One evening, the kids informed me that the computer downstairs was ‘broke’ ,as they put it. Regardless of the nature of the problem with the computer, they always say the same things. Either ‘it is broke’, or ‘the computer doesn’t work.’ So, I took a look at the computer and found that the dog had turned on us and had taken the computer hostage and wouldn’t let go. Not only had it turned on us, but it had become rabid as well, crazy in its aggression. I tried to uninstall it, but it required the use of the administrative password. No problem. I entered the same password that I had been using for over a year and the dog said it was invalid. INVALID?????!!!! How could that be? There was no doubt that the dog was out of control and needed to be stopped at any cost!

As you would assume, I turned to the original handlers of this malicious mutt, the K9 Web protection folks. Once on their site, (I had to use my computer at work) I soon discovered that they had no support, only some automated FAQ doggey doo that was of no help at all. I searched their forum for clues to eliminating this nasty threat from my computer and found others who had experienced the same misfortune. The knowledge that they had found no relief made my heart sink. I found a phone number for K9 that was in Draper, Utah. I called it and, of course, had to leave a message as there wasn’t anyone around to answer the phone. They never called me back, even after three messages. I was getting desperate.

Soon, I figured that if the K9 people were unresponsive, maybe I could go to the parent company, BlueCoat. At least there I found a human to talk to. The person I talked to took my information - phone number, email address, etc, then said he would forward it to the K9 people. NOOOOOOO! I begged him not to give me to those lunatics who had sicked this mad dog on me in the first place and then had refused to even talk to me after the mangy mutt turned on me. He explained that the people I had called were in Utah and that the people he was going to give my information to were in California. I was somewhat relieved at that news. I shouldn’t have been!

They emailed me instructions to the corralling of this dangerous canine. I had explained to them that I couldn’t get on the internet, a common problem when the dog turns on its master and takes over the computer. They sent me instructions to download the software again, overlay it on the original, re-enter a new password and then I could do whatever I wanted to from that point. Fine! But ......HOW DO I GET ON THE INTERNET TO DOWNLOAD THE SOFTWARE IF YOUR SOFTWARE WON’T LET ME GET ON THE INTERNET??????
This salient point seemed to stump the support group. I can see them all huddling around their one desk in someone’s small garage trying to answer that sublime question. Well, maybe they are in a basement rather than a garage, who knows?

So, let this be a warning to all that read this, don’t download the software known as K9 Web Protection! It may be fine for awhile, but it will turn on you and hold you in its slobbery jaws and never let go, and you will have no one to turn to for help. Whatever you do, don’t download this software.

So, now what do I do? I’ve called a friend - a different one than recommended this piece of dog doo, who is a professional IT man to see if he can eliminate this menace. Perhaps in another post, I’ll be able to report that I’m free of the malicious malware that K9 had unleashed on the world. Perhaps.