Nine Words Women Use - A Primer for Men

I don’t know who wrote this, as it was given to me by a young lady in our office. It appears to be an email that was printed off. I thought some of you would get a kick out of it. I would hope this might be of help to some of the young men out there who haven't, as yet, discovered all the meanings of these nine words. I've added an addendum at the end as a post script contributing some additional advice. Ladies, if there are other words we men should know, please add them via comments at the end. We need all the help we can get!

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: this is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in Fine.

4. Go Ahead: this is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

5. Loud Sigh: this is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long an hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - this is true unless she says, ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is pure sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say you’re welcome. That will bring on a ‘Whatever’.

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying ‘Stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, mister!’

9. Don’t Worry About It, I Got It: Another dangerous statement meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?" For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

Here is some extra advice:

Always, always, always, say you are sorry when you find yourself in an argument with a woman, even if you aren’t sure why she is mad at you and especially if you think you are right. This will possibly save you the worst thing that a woman can say to you - NOTHING!. When you get the silent treatment, you are definitely in deep do do and you better be apologizing as fast as possible and hope you can get back to ‘Fine’, or ‘Whatever’. Any other course will only bring you more grief and you will be suffering the repercussions long after your original sin, possibly for years, as women DO NOT FORGET.

I hope this is helpful.